Fluctuating lines

November 30, 2008
Actually began writin this yesterday, but got distracted. And now it's past midnight and a new day begins.

First time i'm getting my thoughts out in the open. Otherwise they were scribblings on diaries- which i'd rather call 'My Thought- books; or frantically written notes on bits of paper, judiciously saved from eyes that may 'not understand'. But then the need for secrecy always battles with the want to know what others would think if they saw what i think.

And now what do i write? Allow my thoughts to run down to my fingers. But then there are bubbles in my head. The colours spilling over each other. But as i go to touch them they pop and out, come all these other thoughts which don't really seem so colourful.

Uprooted and out somewhere else. The roots still hold far away. And here i don't want the roots to grow deep. what if they come across a stone? Will i find my way around it? And then i hope the old roots don't just dry- up. I can only hope to sustain myself until i can go back and feel, the earth around me. That part of the earth that i recognise the smell of. The roots that have grown into trees that i have known and loved.

But then here, it's a new world. And a part of me is accepting it. Life is like that isn't it? Accepting. Otherwise how do we survive? And then there are these feelings i didn't know i had in me. i can't name them. or is it this that i had wanted? Wanted, but never known. Fluctuating feelings. Or is it my attitude? Oh God, the questions. They seem so innocent until you actually look at them. But then they have all those sub- questions. The worse thing- i can't find the answers! I know i have to look, but where? And when i know where to search i am given that impossible to follow buy so wise advice- have patience.

Sometimes i feel lost and at other times like i'm just discovering myself. I turn inside. But then maybe some other time. It might not be the right time to go there. Let me let me be!
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