Decmber

About December or in December? Let's see now. I love December it's my fav month. I used to have so much fun once it would come to this time of the year. Making th crib and decorations. Church- choir practice, youth practise. Getting together to do some activities. We used to not go for dances or parties but we had so much fun. I enjoyed my time with Revora Youth. And the picnics. What a thing it was! Now its all blurring up into 1 memory. I used to not think of dressing up grandly or mak eup or looking good. Well to a certain extent but not like now.

Now its December and Im wondering what clothes do I have. I need to buy make up. What'll fit me. That's the greatest worry. Dressing up and going for weddings. Stuffy weddings where we will shiver. And dance n go home and sleep a discontented sleep.

The weather is cool and hot at the same time. Can't go out. That day's night trip was a bad idea. Im  so tired. This is not blog stuff. Blogs have to be interesting. About something not just rambling junk. Let me b gone to my thoughts and 'Great Expectations'.

Of Music at Baywatch

I seem to live for Saturdays. They are the climax of my week. When Sunday comes I'm winding down. What's so special about Saturday? Baywatch Nights. Royan, Savio and I discovered it. But Royan and I haven't missed a single show since we began goin there. I don't even remember when. Last weekend there was fusion music. It was a band called 'Shanti'. There was a guy on sitar and there were drums and the bass guitar. The music was beautiful. I always loved the sound of the sitar, but hearing it this way made my skin crawl with pleasure. Then the guy on the guitar played the cello. It didn't look like the normal one, whose body looks like an enlarged violin. But this was an electric cello. It sounded so beautiful. He plucked the strings and he also played it with a bow. Lino used to play for a fusin band when I met him, he used to always ask me to come see him perform. I felt like it was an opportunity wasted. I would have fallen in love with the music even then.

Every Saturday it's different. The classical rock with Noel Da cunha was electrifying. It wasa pleasure to see Royan in his element. He exuded his enthusiam to all of us. He was even sending out waves to Noel who later came to thank him. He inspired him, he said. And after that with 'Electric Pulse', I was almost head- banging, but shyness overcame me and I kept myself in restraint. It was an enjoyable evening with us laughin at the funny drummer, who kept passing funny remarks. I think his name is Jonathan.

Other evenings were not as good, but they were relaxing. Even though on the Jazz night we had an argument ith a drunk woman about a chair.

Looking forward to tomorrow. Russell will be there. Will he enjoy it? His taste in music is weird. But it seems to be changing. We think there's a girl involved. Wink...wink!

Reading my old post, Man, I used to be inspired! Woke up today with the urgency of aan almost over flowing bladder. Was feeling quite ill, yet came, thinking I'll leave early. But 1/4 to 2 pm and am still here. Talent Fiesta! Am so happy to be in charge of something. Its like I can give off some of my knowlege. But then there's always the fear of not doing the right thing. What is that saying....with authority comes great responsibility. Have I just made it up? But you know what I mean to say, right?

Why this dearth of thoughts, aren't there any more ideas to come slipping down my mind? But am being called to a million things. Suddenly I am the one taking decisions. After France I feel I havent written anything worthwhile. Daily life's a challenge, but it' s routine. Thinking about new recipies. That takes up most of my afternoon and evening. And then Hoping for some good words of praise. Just lying on the sofa, watching One Tree Hill. Treasured moments.

I know why, now i have to interact more, inspiration comes to lonely people. Well not lonely but alone!

A new place a new experience. Lots has changed. But am I still me? I haven't writing. Reading to a minimum. I suddenly feel like before I used to have all the time in the world. Now I'm feeling like writing and thee are disturbing sounds around me. Its like a barrier to my thoughts. They are pushing but the barrier of noise is stronger. Its been so long since I wrote. And yet no thoughts flow from my over busy mind. Have I ceased to think like I used to think before? Writing used to define me. But now its missing and I feel like something is lacking. I look forward only to Saturdays. When its over I'm always a little depressed. I need to write a blog about Saturdays. I don't care if no one reads. Yet I want feed back. Do we hunger for praise? I think I want it. When Royan eats the food I cook. When i write something for the school. Not one person said anything to me about my article on Goa. I am tensed most of the time, I feel. Wanting someone to reciprocate my emotions. And devouring it hungrily when it comes to me. I feel I was inspired before, now I lack it. Like an orchid kept away from the sunshine.