November 30, 2008
Actually began writin this yesterday, but got distracted. And now it's past midnight and a new day begins.
First time i'm getting my thoughts out in the open. Otherwise they were scribblings on diaries- which i'd rather call 'My Thought- books; or frantically written notes on bits of paper, judiciously saved from eyes that may 'not understand'. But then the need for secrecy always battles with the want to know what others would think if they saw what i think.
And now what do i write? Allow my thoughts to run down to my fingers. But then there are bubbles in my head. The colours spilling over each other. But as i go to touch them they pop and out, come all these other thoughts which don't really seem so colourful.
Uprooted and out somewhere else. The roots still hold far away. And here i don't want the roots to grow deep. what if they come across a stone? Will i find my way around it? And then i hope the old roots don't just dry- up. I can only hope to sustain myself until i can go back and feel, the earth around me. That part of the earth that i recognise the smell of. The roots that have grown into trees that i have known and loved.
But then here, it's a new world. And a part of me is accepting it. Life is like that isn't it? Accepting. Otherwise how do we survive? And then there are these feelings i didn't know i had in me. i can't name them. or is it this that i had wanted? Wanted, but never known. Fluctuating feelings. Or is it my attitude? Oh God, the questions. They seem so innocent until you actually look at them. But then they have all those sub- questions. The worse thing- i can't find the answers! I know i have to look, but where? And when i know where to search i am given that impossible to follow buy so wise advice- have patience.
Sometimes i feel lost and at other times like i'm just discovering myself. I turn inside. But then maybe some other time. It might not be the right time to go there. Let me let me be!
00:42
About Me
- Alison
- I'll tell u wot i like...sitting cuddled up in a corner in a big room, watching the rain come down in silvery strings on glossy leaves, the crash of thunder n the fire of lightening, the indescribable colour of sunrises and sunsets, playing with sand with my feet, walking on green grass, smelling freshly fried chapatties, touching freshly drained rice, the smell of coffee, the touch of the breeze, a softly spoken compliment, a kind word, an understanding smile, an encouraging pat, a reassuring hug. I love the sound of water, the dancing of flames, the screaming of the wind, the touch of the earth. I love the cooing of a baby, the smile of a child, the confiding touch of a toddler. I am just what you think of me when you get to know me.
5 comments:
So true and right from the heart, a very well written blog... isn't that what each of us is fighting within? the battle of the known and the unknown? Questions are raised, answers are searched and i guess thats the real meaning of when we say, my living was worth :)
Thanks Aliss, u cleared my mind. Reading that helped me understand my own feelings right now. Very well written...love the imagery.You should seriously consider my suggestion! :)
I think you've captured all the confusion of our move very well! bravo!
uve finally shared all ur feelings.. and the sentiments of all! you know who wud be glad to see to see this! :)
First of all very well written. We move on in our lives not knowing wat we do and then we regret the things that we do. Thats the mistake we do. We regret go on thinkin bout it and thats where the Questions arise. We may just look back at our lives and wish we could change alot that we wanted to but just can't.So the solution outta this is first to accept this and then we can try and see how we can improve ourselves. We feel caged confused depressed but its upto us to find a way outta this mad world. I may sound insane writing this and it may seem like Krap!!! But take it or leave it...all have been there done that!!!...CHEERS!!!
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